On love vs. sex

I'm starting to think it would be easier to have a Dom that wasn't also a boyfriend. Not that Richard is actually my boyfriend at this point... but that's beside the point. At this particular second, I think I'm just feeling like I need a break from relationship-y things, but I still want sex and submission in my life.

Last Saturday, Master and I tried to decide when we would see each other again. I offered to come pick him up on Tuesday night after work (early Wednesday morning, technically) and drive us back here. It would amount to 10 hours of driving in less than 36 hours by the time I got him back home, but it would mean more privacy and a more relaxed atmosphere.

Since then, I've been making sure the house is clean, buying nice food for us, making sure my nails are done and my eyebrows are plucked... all the things a girl does to get ready for her guy.

Today he calls with two pieces of news. First, his most recent ex has gotten back in touch with him, still isn't over him after a year, wants him back, but claims to be happy that he is with someone. Second, he has double booked his Wednesday between me and another ex.

This other ex likes to tease him with sex that she will probably never give him. He teases her back (although he would be happy to give it to her if the opportunity arose) so he counts it as mutual use rather than manipulation. The teasing would be harmless, except that he knows full well that she gets very jealous of anyone else around him. She doesn't want him, but she doesn't want anyone else to have him.

The plans with her are for Wednesday night. In theory, she will pick him up late and drive him back to her house where she and her boyfriend will get stoned. There are a few problems with this theory. A) The car is uninsured and she shouldn't be driving it. B) She's night blind and shouldn't be driving at all at night. C) Richard has no interest in getting stoned with them. D) Richard and her boyfriend had a bit of a falling out last time they were together.

Now then, I would like to say upfront that I think he's a fool for staying friends with her. She comes across as manipulative and petty and although I have never met her, the fact that all of Richard's friends hold that opinion of her does little to change my mind. Having said that, it is his choice to be friends with her, and I do my best to support that choice. If he wants to spend time with her, great.

But when it's a choice between plans with her that he admits are bad plans, and plans with me... *shrugs* I guess I'm a little offended that there is even a conflict.

If this were just sex, then of course friends win out. I have no issue with that. But because there's more to it than that, I'm feeling disappointed. I should also probably say at this point that he will almost certainly still come here. But that's kind of not the point. He's having to think about it.

If he wants to spend time with me, shouldn't that come first over everything else? Is that asking too much? It probably is, honestly.

It's more than I want to deal with right now though. I want a hurt ass, not hurt feelings. That doesn't mean that I don't want the relationship too... I think sex is always better with someone you love. But right now, just for a little while, I don't want to deal with the minor disappointments that relationships always bring. Sure, the good things almost always outweigh the bad. But just for a couple of weeks, can't I just have the good without the bad?