On friends

Wow... what a weekend...... I know it's Wednesday already, but I feel like I've been recovering.

One of my best friends came up to see me, braving ice and snow and her own horrific driving skills. Unfortunately I only get to see her a handful of times every year. She was here last summer, a couple of months after I became R's submissive. She had known for years about problems my husband and I have and she is easily the most sexually open person I know. I might count myself in close second, but she has to win. *chuckles*

At the time, Master had pushed for me to tell her about him but it wasn't an instruction. He knew even then how important she was to me and how important it is to have someone to talk to. I had said quite simply that I would think about it. Events conspired so that my husband would be out of town that weekend, leaving us with the house all to ourselves. I didn't tell her straight away... I think it took a whole 20 minutes before I could. lol

She took it all in stride and we talked a lot. In fact, we didn't really stop talking for three days. She even got to meet and talk to R. Well, as much as you can online, anyway. It was an incredible weekend. I could go on about it for pages, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I felt more whole than I had in years.

I knew this weekend just gone wouldn't be the same. My husband was home and mostly off work, for one thing. My relationship with my Dom has deepened and changed. It's not just fun kinky sex anymore (not that it was originally, but it was in her eyes). I love him. I have plans to meet him. When I move back to the states, I hope to move within a few hours of him if the initial meeting goes well. All of these things are up in the air and there are no real solid plans, but all of these are things I wanted to talk to her about.

As soon as I even started to mention one of them, I got a quick reminder that she was fine with this relationship as long as it's about sex. If it's about love, she doesn't want to know. And that really really hurt.

I can understand why though. She likes my husband, even though she makes him incredibly uncomfortable and he probably only said 10 words to her all weekend. She likes us together, if for no other reason than that we're friends. She doesn't want to see either of us hurt. And most importantly, she doesn't want me to move.

But still... it's just another little reminder that I can't be entirely myself with anyone. Not just yet. Maybe after things with my husband are sorted, she will be completely ok with all facets of my relationship with my Dom.

In the meantime, I'm really looking forward to tonight. My husband is away tonight and won't be back until very late tomorrow night. That means I can walk around naked, spread my toys out, stay up 'til all hours talking to Master, and just generally have a wonderful and relaxed time. Obviously, R and I have a lot of things we need to catch up on over the last few weeks. Girl-crazies, disobedience, my friend, some issues of his own that he brought up...... I fully expect some tears of sadness and pain to go right along side the laughter and orgasms. That's ok though. It's all part of the relationship.

Actually, I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high. Things always seem to backfire when I really really want it. *smiles*