On normality

24 February 2009


A few nights ago, my Dom and I were having a mini-tiff over "normal". I think it started with plastic surgery, as it usually does. He doesn't understand how I can understand body modification in the piercing/tattoos/implants sense but hate the idea of plastic surgery. Just to be clear, he's not saying either are a good thing, he's just challenging my beliefs.

The conversation itself doesn't matter, but the idea that everyone wants to be normal and accepted does matter. Obviously the definition of "normal" depends on your society and your friends and everything else, but maybe people just feel more understood if they are "normal".

The problem I have is this: I don't remember ever feeling like that. I'm not saying that I am entirely comfortable in my own skin because god knows I'm not. But I don't really worry that other people are judging me. When I'm uncomfortable, it's because I'm judging myself.

I've read so many blogs about people questioning why they like the things they do, and I've never experienced that. I remember when I was younger and I had the vague impression that masturbation was bad, since I grew up in a very religious home where sex was never discussed. But I never felt bad about anything I enjoyed. I didn't question it, I didn't wonder... I just enjoyed it.

I have questioned my desire to submit and why I have chosen to submit to this man when I've never met anyone else that I would have. But I've never thought anything was wrong with me for feeling the way I do. It almost makes me wonder if something is wrong with me for just accepting my interests when so many other people struggle for understanding.

I think the struggle can be a positive thing. It reaffirms what your interests truly are. Maybe I'm missing out.

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