On censorship

Recently my friend Maria reminded me that she wanted to meet Richard when he gets here. I had hoped all along that she would be able to, but I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to approach the idea. I knew it would come up eventually though. Fortunately, she insisted before I offered.

She has decided that for this one day, there will be no sight seeing. There will be eating, drinking, and chatting all day long. Part of me loves the idea and part of me is terrified. Honestly, I hate the sight seeing stuff. I hate London in the summer because it's just so full of tourism.

Actually, I'm lying... here's the real reason: I love the fact that my accent has changed (naturally, not faked) over the years. I don't immediately come across as American. I know and love London, and I am not, repeat NOT, a tourist there. When I'm on my own, I'm at home. I can blend in. When I'm with family or other American friends, I get lumped in with them. This seems like a small thing, but it's not to me. It may be silly, but it is a pet peeve.

So it will be nice to have a day where we don't have to do tourist things. Where he can get a tiny hint of what Britain is actually like. But there is plenty to be worried about.....

I'm pretty well aware that Richard and I only know each other in a very specific setting. We don't know what we're like at all times of the day in different situations, etc... We don't even know if we'll really get along if we're together. And now I'm asking my best friend (who is friends with my husband, doesn't want me to leave the country. is concerned for me, and will be looking for any little flaw) to spend the entire day with him. And him to spend the entire day with her. Drinking.

I've never seen him drunk. He doesn't drink that often, really. This combination just seems disastrous to me. I know for a fact that she and I can spend wonderful summer days doing nothing but sitting in the sun, talking and drinking because we've done it on numerous occasions. We know what to drink, when to take a break, and when to call it quits. On those days, neither of us have ever gotten stupidly drunk. We maintain a pleasant buzz. I know we can and will do that on this day. I don't know if he will.

If he doesn't, what will happen? What will he be like? Will it be a problem, or would it be fine? Will he hit on her? (He might) Would I mind? (I don't know... I think I would) Would she be upset? (Since she has a boyfriend now, she probably would be)

I mentioned this to him last time we talked. Some of it, anyway. It came up during an interesting but rather unsavory topic of conversation. I joked that while I didn't mind talking with him about this, I would prefer if this type of topic didn't come up with her. He took it as the joke it was, fortunately. But then I actually started thinking about the situation. I felt bad even making the joke, so I told him that I didn't want to imply that I didn't want him to be himself or censor him in any way... And he finished the sentence "But you're going to anyway" and laughed. I started to deny it, but I couldn't honestly do that so I just laughed and said "yeah!"

Even though the whole conversation was playful and happy, I still feel guilty over it. If I'm concerned about how the day will go and what sort of things he will say, does that mean I'm somehow ashamed of him?

I don't think that's the case. I think I'm just generally nervous because there are so many unknown factors on this day. But even so, what right do I have to try or even want to try to censor my Dom? Does this make me a bad subbie, or just human?