On relationships

As the official end of my marriage approaches, I can't help but think of all the things I could've done differently. Then I think of all the ways a relationship can break down.

The funny thing is, before I met my husband I had never had a relationship I was really comfortable in. I look back at my ex's and they all seemed to fall under the "good enough for now" heading. I don't regret any of them but I knew I wouldn't end up with any of them either.

I see a lot of relationships around me failing. And I've never seen a relationship that I wanted to emulate. My parents had a horrible relationship that ended when I was six. They both remarried a year later and my mom has been married ever since to a wonderful man. But a long relationship doesn't mean that it's the type of relationship I want.

I know that no one can guarantee that a relationship will be good and long or anything else. Life doesn't work like that. But I'm still looking for a guarantee, I think. I know the things that I do well in a relationship and I know the things I don't do so well.

I'm pretty good about relaxing and letting my man be himself, whoever that is. For instance, I'm not one of those women who makes their house all about them, paints their bedroom pink, and allocates their man one room (or maybe a shed in the garden) for the things he enjoys. But I'm so good at being relaxed and low-maintenance (in that situation, anyway) that I sometimes make my man feel like I don't need him.

At the end of one relationship and the potential beginning of another, I find myself trying to foresee and fix any problems in the future. Yes, I know this is completely stupid and pointless.

But part of me wonders if the D/s element to this relationship can help with some basic problems. After all, communication is key. So is honesty. You pay attention to little things about your partner, be it their mood or their comfort levels or whatever. Sure everyone makes mistakes, but these things are all crucial for a BDSM relationship.

I do think that communication and openness are two things that fail in a relationship and a big part of the reason they break down. So if he's a good Dom and I'm a good sub, maybe that won't be as much of a problem. It's not a guarantee. But maybe it's a ward against basic problems that so many people have. Or maybe I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed and take things as they come, just like everyone else. *smiles*