What does a Dom expect when he looks for a sub? The obvious answer is obedience. Different doms have different expectations and different desires, of course. But I've noticed something lately. Something that seems to tie so many subbies together.
They are often writers. They are descriptive and poetic and often flowery. And I say "they" for a reason, because I am not. I wouldn't begin to suggest that I'm the only one who isn't, but I would say that I'm the only one I've come across as far as I know.
Oddly enough, that was one of my Dom's expectations. It was never a requirement, but it was something he assumed came in the package. From what I've seen, I'd say it's a fair assumption. Too bad he got me. *smiles*
I'm creative and I can write. But I am not poetic and I'm not descriptive. Delores Claybourne is one of my favourite books because it's all dialogue. Read it some time; it's fantastic. That's how I'm most comfortable with writing. I know people. I know how they interact. I can write dialogue. But he wants description.
Once in an effort to pry description from me, he had me find two photographs that I loved and describe them in as much detail as possible. I did it and struggled. But the one thing I learned is that the more I looked at the photograph, the less I liked it. When I looked at the details, I started finding flaws. I learned that I prefer having a vague general impression of something rather than looking too closely. I'm sure that says a lot about me, but if vague impressions make me happy, so be it.
Really I'm just musing on the idea that there can be expectations you didn't really know about. He expected any subbie he eventually had to be sweet and flowery and bouncy because everyone he knew was. He wouldn't say that it was required in his woman anymore than you would say you require your significant other to have two eyes and ten fingers. You could probably live without it, but it's still what you expect.
Part of me feels bad for not having that in me. And I don't think he's ready to accept that I don't. He wants to help me grow in every way, and this one is top on the list. But I think we need to find the balance between growth and accepting me for who and what I am.
1 comments:
Though you're right in saying that you and your dom need to find the balance between growth and acceptance, consider whether you are just cutting him off because he wants you to do something that's hard and you're stubborn or if he's really demanding things that you feel strongly about not changing. From your example (and this probably isn't what you want to hear), it seems like the former. Yes, you'll find flaws when you really look at things, but part of life is learning to deal with those flaws. And I think that there's so much potential to see more beauty when you look closer, too. The object (or whatever) that you are describing will become more complex and interesting, so perhaps you'd be exchanging perfection for richness.
My intention with this response isn't to criticize, but to perhaps encourage you to reconsider what your dom is asking. Your growth is as much for you as it is for him.
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