Musings on misconceptions around doms

Once upon a time not so long ago (sorry Bon Jovi, I stole your lyrics) I had an image of a dom in my head. The picture was of a large leather-clad man with his arms crossed and a whip in one hand glaring down at a naked and bleeding woman on the floor. And while there is nothing wrong with that image or that scene, it was never quite what I wanted from a dom. I can't help it, I usually laugh at leather. Too Village People.

I have known both Doms and Dommes in my private life and nothing that I knew of them made me want to get in to the lifestyle. My dom friend and I didn't talk much about his motivation or what he got out of the scenes he played out. Instead we talked about his subs and what he had been asking them to do recently. My domme friends were professional dommes and found a lot of humour in their jobs. They enjoyed it, certainly, but the only sexual thrill they got from it was one that came from power. You know, the whole "Men are worms, look at how easy they are to break" type thing. They all seemed a bit cruel to me and that wasn't something I was interested in. And then I met my man.

He cleared up misconceptions that I had and showed me that not all doms were little boys on power trips. (I'm not saying that my friend was, but it was easy to make assumptions when we didn't go in to much detail about his role) And honestly, I didn't really think that all doms were, but it was all I had seen so far. My man answered any questions I had and exposed me to a world that I knew about, but he showed me how good it could really be.

He helped me explore what elements of submission I revel in and what elements I will not touch. Not yet, anyway, and maybe not ever. He made sure that I understand the difference between sub and slave. The thing that I was most terrified of being was a slave. That role does not fit me or hold any interest for me. But I delight in my role as his subbie.