On disobedience

I'm ashamed to say that I disobey far more often than I should. I really really need to work on that. It's usually when he's impatient and asking the impossible. I try to tell him I am trying to do what he's asking but I need more time, but sometimes that doesn't work. On those rare occasions, it's just easier to tell him I've done it than to explain again. When I disobey then it bothers me, but not too much.

It bothers me far more when he asks me to do something specific and I just decide not to. For example, when he asks me to use a specific toy and I just don't feel like that one and I use a smaller one. Or if he wants me to fuck my ass and I decide to fuck my pussy instead.

Sometimes he'll tell me to put in my big plug but if I just don't feel like being stretched, I'll just put in the smaller one. Or he'll request my vibrator with the little rubber barbs all over it. That one just hurts if I try to move it once its in, so if I really want a pounding I'll pick another one. Those are the times that I really need to work on.

*frowns* I'm such a bad subbie. I know the reason I don't mention my preference is because complaining will just try his patience and have it in faster. If there's a real reason not to do something, I speak up then and he always listens. But if I'm just not in the mood, he won't stand for that. I must stop being such a brat.