Last night for the first time, R and I explored breath control to some degree. I have always had issues with choking in the past, but recently my fantasies have involved a hand on my throat more and more. Actually, they've just been getting a bit more violent recently. R showed me a picture of a girl with her head forced to the floor being fucked from behind (have I written about this picture before? I think I have) and it has been in my thoughts ever since.
Since he's not physically here, I had to do it to myself. So I'm still not sure how much of a turn on that pressure is, or how much pressure I want or if I just want the sensation of a hand there and no pressure at all. But it made me think again about just how important trust is to a D/s relationship.
I'm not just trusting him with my heart and my mind and my body, but with my life as well. I have to trust that he will stop when I use my safe words and that he will read the reactions of my body and not necessarily just listen to my words.
It's an awful lot to give someone. But it's the best gift I can possibly give.
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