On being clingy

I have mentioned before that my Dom and I have an open relationship. As part of this, I have a couple of regular friends/playmates. They both understand their place in my life as I understand mine in theirs. One of them, however, is becoming dissatisfied with his place in my life.

He (let's call him George) is a very clingy, needy person in general. And it does get old after awhile. When we met, he had a girlfriend so most of that was passed on to her. They've split up now, and no matter how many other playmates he has, I still seem to be the one he clings to. We are friends, and I don't want to lose that friendship. But I get stressed almost every time I talk to him lately.

Now I fully admit that I can have a tendency to cling a little too, especially when I'm feeling down. But I don't cling to everyone. Only the man I love. And this got me thinking about being clingy.

My other playmate, Louis, is a lovely man. He is married and has two young sons. Normally I would be unhappy playing with a family man because I would never want anything I do to come in the way of his family. But in his case, his wife knows he has online playmates and encourages it.

Louis seems incredibly content with his life. He tries new things, always has a new hobby, and generally projects an air of happiness. He is someone I would like to meet someday, preferably with my Dom. Not necessarily for a play session, but just to go to dinner with him. Also I've recently found out that he makes whips (although he's not in to the BDSM lifestyle and doesn't use them) and honestly, I would love to have one from him. I think that would be lovely.

Louis's attitude toward me is that I am someone he loves and very much enjoys our time together. I don't say "I love you" quite so easily (if ever) but he is very special to me. I usually only talk to him about once a week and sometimes much much less. This is never a problem for either of us. We see each other when we do, we never plan for the next meeting, and no matter what we're doing, we both know that promptly at 4:15 he will leave to spend time with his family. And that's as it should be.

Between Louis's happiness and comfort and my Master's love, I have found a comfort in my relationship that I have never had before. I don't need to cling. But I also don't need to be afraid to cling. One night many months ago, Master and I were having a moment of disagreement. I was feeling clingy and didn't understand why I hadn't talked to him for a couple of days. R said to me "I'm not worried if I don't talk to you. Of course I want to see you, but I can read your journals to make sure you're ok. If we don't talk, I'm not concerned because I know that we love each other and that you'll still be here tomorrow."

I was stunned for a little while because I realised for the first time that my choices weren't just clinging to someone or keeping them at a distance. There was a third, much more relaxed, option of being able to walk away and know that they will still be there when you get back. Seems simple. I guess it wasn't.